gingerbreadcat:

“Same’s true of the Black Widow. Scarlett Johanssen looked great in that outfit, but she seemed to be there only as eye candy. The shot in the middle of the battle where she pulls out a pistol was silly. I don’t know who this Black Widow was, and I don’t think the…

(Source: argonautic)

adrawingforgemma:

the-vashta-nerada:

Things you need: A ring, access to a tanning bed, gray hair dye.

1. Tan with wedding ring on, making sure that there is an obvious tan line from the ring.
2. Dye hair gray. The older you look, the better. 
3. If you are male, make sure to grow a ragged beard.
4. Sneak into your target’s house, appearing to be passed out. Naked.
5. When they revive you, ask them the date. If they tell you the day, say, “No, what YEAR?”
6. Once they tell you the year, pause ominously and say “…It worked.”
7. Explain that you came from the future, but you didn’t land in the spot you were supposed to. Further explain that material objects can’t travel through time, like clothes and wedding rings.
8. Tell person you are trying to court that you are married in the future.
9. Tell them that, in the future, you two are married. (Terminators/apes/other humanoids, be creative) have taken over, and you alone lead the rebel army.
10. Explain that in the future, they found out that you were a rebel leader. Tell them that you didn’t want to burden their lives with them having to worry about you dying or being captured so you traveled back in time to make sure they wouldn’t marry you out of your undying love for them.
11. Give them your most soul wrenching look so they can obviously see how painful it is for you to give them up. Go up to them and passionately kiss them.
12. Bam.

My friend Tobias actually did something like this once. He runs into a Target (dressed in his usual attire, which is a trademark top hat, pocket watch, old, vintage suit… the works) and asks the nearest clerk “What’s the date, my boy?” He’d just done this in a Barnes & Noble with surprising success, but this Target clerk dude decides to say that it’s the year 2022. Tobias looked at him, confused, mumbling to himself “Hm… I must have made some sort of mistake in my calculations… No matter.” AND HERE’S THE KICKER. He picks up a bottle of Clorox bleach and asked the clerk, “Anywho—would you know where I can obtain more of this delicious concoction to drink? It’s absolutely fantastic!”

Tobias is a keeper.